| The Hull |
| When my feet hit this blackness I was surprised and not so, to sense that I had no feeling in my lower extremities at all. I think I had guessed this on the deck, in my last passage of time? But time had no meaning in this place, so far from any where land. I had no sensations at all, at least not in some physical way. |
| I could still feel through these extensions of hands attached to me, in some way. Man, was this creepy or what. How I wished I could find some comfort zone somewhere. The place I was last had no meaning to my future, at this point I'm positive it was a place I'd be eternally grateful to never remember. A placed in some wakeful state of consciousness. But at this point, all I wanted was out. A passing thought just gagged my mind. I think I'm built around memories, compiling them all into one place, a place called here and now, my personal Twilight Zone and nothing more. Like some flick I had seen from my past. Like flick that stirred horror and discomfort in my throat. Similar to that flick from my youth, “Premature Burial”. Simply it was a story where one scene, said it all to me. The scene was a in a mausoleum and as this is here, the entire scene was in this horrid shade of purple. I know now, how effectively a color can heighten a mood. In the flick, was this poor soul that had been locked away in the mausoleum with no way out and only himself to live the balance of each second with. A horrid feeling. A monstrous feeling. A chilling reality. And then . . . As far as I could tell, this liquid that I was rising and falling in, gave me the same feelings I had felt just a dream ago and much, much more. Oh, it was black and white just as I thought it was. But blacker and denser than any man or woman would ever want to know. What creatures lurked right beneath my toes in wait to nibble at my yummyness. But wait, I had no toes to speak of! It somehow felt as if they were flashing in and out of existence, on this electrically charged body of mine. I'm sure what ever swam in the comfort of this sea was more ominous than any creature I'd ever seen. Like the Angler fish of great depths, that swam with a lantern, up front, of his face, to guide his way. To lure defenseless creatures for his meal, he did real. That is the only kind of fish that would swim in this molten sea of fear. The waves formed peaks, edging this blackest ocean of stress and brought flecks of white foaming froth with it. Having no better way to describe them, I stared through my two portals in my face, my eyes and knew that these eyes were part of things I could rely on for escape. So, I did what any sane man would do! I began to panic, to gasp for air in great handfuls! This way and that, I thrashed through these waters. This way and that, I spun round in search. In search of that ship, of that hope. Oh God, it must be there. And . . . Clearly seeing my way to freedom, less than visible from this perspective. That was clearly visible from that deck that used to be below me? Where did it go? Where did it go? Where was my only hope of freedom go, so quickly and boldly! As a crest came, I went with it, higher than I could ever imagine. I saw before my sight, the shape of that ship I laid hope in, upon that deck. At last, I saw my heart come into focus again. At last, I saw some hope in this place of churning waste land. It was that liner that would give me a tomorrow I could hope on. At least that is what I thought it would do. A liner where my time would stand firm in my mind. That liner of stableness. But dear reader, don't be fooled like I was, there is no place where stability takes hold and rids of us of all our queasy feelings in life. This is it. Now swim for it man! And swim for it with all of your might! I thought I would burst at first and then realized that I was more than a ordinary man, in this place! I was a creature with heightened senses and abilities. These arms of mine were like propellers making way through these waves, so vivid upon me. They were speeding way through this dream. With a slim glimmer of hope, freedom and a tomorrow, I know I needed to come. And finally, I was there. More than this goal, I had it in my sights. More than a dream, these arms had brought me to a better place. In minutes, maybe seconds, maybe less, I would be standing firm on a deck. Not to fear anymore but to celebrate that I had made it to a better place. I looked right and I looked left. There before me laid an opening to give me way to enter this ship. So I reached out and I reached out again. And found nothing? Only another apparition? Was this dream not going to end? Must this turmoil and anguish continue in my mind? I realized that this might just be a beginning, to some sordid tale of woes and horrors. It is at this point in our story that I wished I were the reader, instead of the author. I wished I were the bystander instead of the screamer in the night! I continued in my nagging state. As I reached for that hull, that opening right before my eyes. I realized that all hope had been shattered, like a glass upon some marble floor. I was mad. I was tense, with each passing second I hoped on. "Oh careless mind, oh dismal stench of life.” “How long will you do plague me?" "Oh God above!” “Are my trials and tribulations, in this place, going to continue for much longer?" I felt a tug upon my feet. A tug so real, a tug to real to be anything but false! I knew that it came as everything came in this place! Without warning. Without mercy. Could a rescuer be part of this dream? I was alone. I was sure of it as fact. I could see a new sight before my eyes. I screamed with all of my might. Scream my child as loud as you want. No one will hear you. Like the man, buried prematurely, you are being sucked down into these blackest depths. Twirling around in your sanity. Grasping onto anything, that can found. There is nothing to grasp. Nothing before you. Thoughts of screams, echoing loudly into an air of discontent, of mind numbing continuation! Like a top, twirling out of control. I spun. |
| Chapter Two |