| The Escalator |
| But went where? This, whatever it is . . . was becoming more difficult to stand every moment I was pushing along through it! I found myself now edgy, away from those bricks that gave me such stability and even comfort! |
| Next Week - Chapter Six - The Doors |
| I forced myself to forge on! As I peered down these marching metal teeth before my eyes, I felt that nagging sense in me that I had done this all before. That this road was no better than the last. That disappointment and dismay was all that I was going to gain here, instead of success and an end to this madness. Was a peaceful place ever existing in these places, I now ran from? Was a there a safe net of freedom shining in a distance, just steps away? Was there any hope to lean on, in the near and present times of gloom and hysteria? How many times did I feel this way in my waking world of normalcy? How many tears did I spew from these orbits, I called eyes? Oh the pain of this tail, weighs on my mind, like a knife cutting into the flesh, I used to know. Like a jumble or riddle that never was meant to be solved, but knowing that I must solve it. I have no other choice. All of this is revolving like a top in the cells of my mind. And with only one thing to anticipate as an ending. One thing to be my guiding light along my way. I must escape, from these dreams. But these steps have no pity on this being I call self. They move in what seems to be an endless amount of clinking, clanking motions, of a tunnel before me. They move with no more purpose than the other dreams in blackness behind me. They move with constancy and meaning for who? Certainly for me, because at this very moment none other exists. I can't count on those figures I saw in the shadows of that deck. And I wonder, how long ago it was, when I was on that deck, so vague in my mind now? Seems like a millennium to me now. Seems like nothing here figures either plus or minus, in my head. None at all! Seems like this tunnel before me, is playing tricks on my mind. And then, I did what no other choice left me to do. I stepped upon the metal teeth before me, with what I wished was my foot, but knew better to look at the empty place below me. In real life I knew I was a man who never turned his back on the things that laid before him. On things that might take him to higher ground. On things that propelled him into the future. What could my destiny and fate ahead of me be. So why should here be any different than other place I traveled, within this dream. I found I wasn't surprised as I rode down these stairs of metal. That I was calmer than I thought I would be. For the ride was just as I had expected it, in the fleeting moments of this dream. I knew this was a dream because things were so vague in my mind and yet seemed real. The treads moved on in a hum drum motion, with a singular movement and purpose. My frustration as the turbine motors carried me along the way. I worried that they would break and leave me stranded in this place I could never call, "final". I turned with a quickness that fear could only explain. With a sense that something behind me, was strangely familiar, ominous and unpleasant. Immediately, after I stepped upon these teeth, my past became what the wall had offered me as comfort within the other dream state. A vanishing point! I ran back up this escalator with a n urgency in my soul. Worry and impatience were barking at me. I ran. I sped. I stuttered in my own verbal tones. I knew there was no hope of returning the way I came. That there was no story behind me. That my destiny lied in one direction and one direction alone. That was to forge ahead. After running for an indefinite amount of time, I fell down upon the stairs teeth and cried aloud to myself, "Oh dear treads carry me back to freedom!" it's all that I could think of at the moment. And then I got up. I got up with a feeling that almost made me feel a bit of comfort. Almost . . . but then again not. I looked around and found familiar faces that were vaguely familiar. They were faces I could put a time stamp on. Faces from my waking hours in the real world. From a time where my real solid body could bet that these images did not belong to this dream at all, but belonged to my waking state of mind. These images were framed as picture portraits and stood still in their place. They were the faces of monsters I claimed as mine in my waking life. These images were my very own models I had built and painted and enjoyed so much to look upon. Though made of plastics, vinyl and resins, these creatures of fantasy had a uncomfortable feeling of reality to them. I moved along with the mechanics of this toothy machine. I moved along in fright and discouragement. As I moved with these treads, I noticed that the eyes of each creature passed, followed me on my journey, down this isle of movement. And I wondered? "Could these be the very friends I played with for escape in my youth?" "Were these the monsters, the very same ones that I felt so at peace with, better than my own parents, the enemy I so despised? How pitiful a situation I am faced with. Now where do I retreat to, for safety and relief? The monster I masked myself as. The creature from that favorite movie. I knew every bit of the dialog for that flick. Backward and forward. Forward and backward. Coming to depend on each monster, for my peace of mind. For my sense of comfort and even to pal around with, in my head. And now, their eyes follow me, as if I was the one that could not be trusted, the one who they could never turn their back on. But what did they see of my inner self, here and now? And what did I know of their motives, dreaming with me now and here? All I knew for sure was that I was their main focal point and they were the watchers. And they did watch! As I rode down these stairs another face became familiar. So much larger than the others, I had to cringe in its sight, in disbelief. It was the face that had impressed me in its design and its conception. A face of pure evil, But also a face of pure cynical delight. Delight in all that is wicket and twisted. Delight in all that bothers the kindest of minds of its purest decency. It was the face of Satan himself! In a grimace of laughter perfectly evil in every respect. And this face was not alone. No, it was together with the other monsters along side of these walls, like some freak show that was coming alive. And it had eyes glaring with bad intentions. This face had one gaping opening, a mouth. And it had many unkindly teeth, which almost chattered above the groan and the turnings of this laughing machine, leading me to its opening! For this monster of evil was not on the walls as the others were. No, this red demon was dead ahead of me. Surrounding his face were the clouds of red Hell itself. Inviting me in for some morbid times of purest evils and delights. Inviting me in for a dinner of cold hearts and warm organs of goodly neighbor, who fell short of the glories of their God above, never to be disclosed by any of these demons who knew Him well. Remember now, these demons were angels at one time and walked in the Glory of a God they once knew. But all that has changed since their fall and this is what is forever more. To my utter horror, I turned and found there was no way back. This was it for me. What was ahead and ahead of that too. Those stairs still eager for me to arrive carried me on. Behind all that I saw was the vanishing of stair treads into those red blackish clouds. It was sucking in everything in its path. It engulfed everything in its path. Were I was bound could only be . . . no where's land! This was my direction. This was my next stop. And this is where I went! |
| Chapter Five |