| The Changing |
| Oh dismal place oh horrid tones we dwell on madness we stand alone. The demon screams and echo's back that he's now got you in his sack. The howls of laughter and delight come putrid ones within the night. They'll crunch your bones and tare an ear they'll pin it up and drink a beer. Come fellow ghouls and fellow foes come smell their fear and eat some toes. Yum yum my honey's whose breath is sweet whose naked bodies plump up in heat. I baste you high. I'll baste you low. Ring dinner bells we'll eat you whole. So weep my ladies. Men gnash your teeth. There is no remorse for those beneath. |
| "Why must this terrible place continue to haunt me, so surely in my dream?" "Why must this heart keep beating in this place where aliens and monsters roam so freely and without worry or trial?" "When will I stop flowing from one dismal place to another?" "When can I find a place to rest my head, so weary and dislodged?" "So tired from the journey, to where I did not know." "No where's ville, it did seem." So I let this cloud of fear engulf me and devour me in total. I set down my defenses and gave into the struggle I knew would be futile, but I fought it anyway. To a journey that would take me where? At this time it meant so little, so why struggle. To whom did my life mean even a little? I remember the creature of green standing next to me just a few moments ago. He looked so lifeless within his grim body. And the girl too, held securely in his arms. They were like some cardboard cutouts taken from some cheap advertising sign at the front of a theater. And the carrot topped creature, the silliest I've ever seen, had no more personality than the green menace that stood beside me. All the shadows of these creatures I knew from my past were lifeless as dolls. But then, there was the others who bobbed and weaved in their seats and the ones with somewhat human characteristics in shape and appearance. Maybe they were some form of robotic assembly, like in Disney World, staged in place for my fear or could it be for my entertainment? I swirled in this ambiguous place, where I knew one thing for sure. None of this made any sense to me, not one bit of it. But what ever makes sense in a free falling dream scape. I shut my eyes and I prayed as hard as I could that when these lids opened, all would be new, alive with pleasures and delight. But I knew better then to play with my senses and hopes, even to suggest such a thing to myself. This was it for now. This is the tale I've been led through, thus far. The tale I've been made to accept. And in a quiet voice came these words in my head, "Less I go mad and with draw into myself." " Which I will not!" I opened my senses or my eyes, if you do please to let myself take notice of this dream that does continue, with me as the star of its show. The dense clouds before me had now turned to a purplish hue and given me the view that is before me now. With a deep, deep sigh again I heard from within me, "Oh how I wish there were other things to soak in." I hated this color purple, knowing full well that its tone was designed to frighten, disfigure, then chase my mind into corners it would never go, even if prodded by a nightmares demon so crewel and intent on burning what's left of my sanity into hysterical screams, from my brains ache. "Oh devilish storm that circles around me, now and again, I beg your forgiveness. I am but a simple man, whose allowed himself to fall away from grace in his rightful home above ground, so holy. And I fear because of my dreadful fantasies and yearnings I'll never see the light of my true home again!" "Oh foolish man.", "Oh dismal heart.", "Do not leave me to these ends here." Then the purplish clouds turned bluish, then greenish, then pinkish, then orange. Then yellow, with star light, with shimmering day glows. Then with the cool hue of day the light from within these clouds turned a friendly shade of blues and golds. And then all became calm. Before my hands came into focus, I knew that this story had no ending or no compromise to give me, for all I had suffered thus far. No way was the grip of this insane territory going to allow me to rest my weary head. And there I go thinking that I had a head to worry about resting. As far as I knew, if a chance came to take a glimpse in some reflection, all I would find would be other sights to disturb me. Disturb me! Disturb me! Do they think that any other or different trips down this road would make me rip these hands off that float before me now. "Yes! Yes! Rip them off now!" "I can't take this crazy stuff for one more second!" "I feel choked." "I feel robbed of my freedom of choice, I had in life." "I feel baron and half wild in what's left of the man that I used to be! "So cast these hands that hold what's left of my reality off into your fire. You gloating demons of the night!" "Be gone with this dream, I dare you to face me!" The hands I cast away with a dare began to change right before my "eyes". Is this another trick these masters that play so joyfully with my dilemma, send me now? What happened to those pretty clouds that made me feel that moment of peace. Did I chased them away with a thought? Is that what I did? Fiery red now took its place and then whitest white. "Come with me child and play with me solely." I heard through the mist. Could this be another trick these demons were playing on my senses? It went on. "Come with me child and learn of this place." "Come with me child and lean on my shoulder." "Oh come with me child, you'll have no disgrace." "Tis darkness that frightens you long before daybreak." "Tis darkness that corners you deep down inside." "In darkness I've come to be here till daybreak." "To chase away demons that bump in your night." "Come give me a chance to hold you and calm you.' "Come give me a chance to make peace in your sou." "I noticed your whining from where I was seated." "I noticed your blue mood was growing intense." "So either I came to your rescue so needed." "Or either do nothing to rescue at all." Was this my mind playing tricks on me or was this a voice that had come here to rescue me from these tormentors of my dreams. Could this be for real? Or was this just another diversion to bring to my frustration and dismay? Another twisting, turning part of this merciless tale. The hands before me, continued to disfigure right before my sight. Yes, they were changing right before me. You see, I'm getting used to calling myself what it is. No eyes, I call it "sight!" No ears, I call it "heard!" No mouth, I call it "sound!" No nose, I call it "smell!" No heart, I call it "dead!". But I am not dead, for these are the hands I cling to, I hold to for reality. And these are the thoughts I still depend on to get me through. Let this voice be my guide to the land of the living. Come out of the rabbit hole you foolish, foolish man, who let his fantasies get the better of him. "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "It is your fault you silly one!" "It is none other than yourself, playing tricks on you." "Wake up!" "Wake up!" "I demand it right now!" "Take flight from this torturous place put forth by your thoughts!" I felt a peace that I have not felt yet in these dreams. Then two blue crystal eyes appeared through the cloud, as if it knew I could stand it no longer. And once again I heard the voice, "Come with me child and learn of this place!" |
Page revised 8/10/05
| Chapter Eight |